Yearly Archives: 2009

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
My father would rightly say something so simple about the current bunk about the dead British drug trafficker recently executed in China.
Now, that sentence has probably gotten this blog flagged somewhere and it’s exciting to consider my insignificant opine might be subject to such popular scrutiny. Truth is, my father’s simple words reflect a greater wisdom.
Sorry to all my China-bashing foreign friends, but like my father, if a guy crosses an international border with 80 times the legal amount of heroine punishable by death, I say he’s pretty freakin’ stupid. Yeah, he’s mentally ill. He’s as mental as anyone can be, if he’s done something that dumb. To use a British expression, “good riddance to bad rubbish.
Seriously, this level of stupid makes me think the Brits might have a case to question the drug trafficker’s mental health.
Seriously again, let’s look at the drug trafficker’s intent. He was actually on his way to make cookies. He was going to help the Chinese people make cookies and then maybe teach English to the large rural populations that are desperate for education. That’s why he brought 80 times the legal amount of heroine punishable by death across an international border. What selfless, benevolent acts was he planning!
Seriously once more, it’s bunk. The BBC posted an article on their website titled “China executions shrouded in secrecy.” In this article, there’s no mention of Britain’s horrific inhumanities towards the Chinese people shrouded in secrecy. Why not? Surely the BBC’s intent was fair, unbiased reporting.
As an American in China, I have an extraordinary opportunity to study one of the world’s ancient civilizations first-hand. I am proud of this and I have celebrated the differences between my country and China at length in this blog and in my personal life. As an American anywhere in the world, I am loud, obnoxious, opinionated and generally indifferent about whom I offend by my arrogant, self-righteous attitude. I am also proud and celebrate it every time I speak directly and say what I see.
What I see is a lot of bunk. The truth is, foreign nations like Great Britain, France, US and others have a history of exploiting and abusing China. The opium wars were an attempt to force China to trade with drugs. Hong Kong was a 100-year punishment by Brits when the Chinese attempted to protest. Great cultural sites like Yuan Ming Yuan were destroyed carelessly and with complete disregard to the fair treatment and human rights of the Chinese people.
Then there’s the habitual masochistic cultural behavior. Bunk. We have a culture that prefers not to address uncomfortable situations directly. So, like a cut on your leg that goes untreated and infected until the leg has to be amputated or you die, China is just writhing in painful memories. Silently.
Bunk.
Again, like my father, I say “just say it.” Say what’s wrong. Tell people why you’re angry and hurting. Demand the international respect afforded any other nation. You can’t hide a cut on your leg. Pretending it doesn’t exist will not heal the wound. As the wound becomes infected, it does no good to ignore it or make flip comments of discern. As the infection poisons your entire body, it really doesn’t help you to remain silent. Instead, acknowledge that you have a cut, and then treat the damn thing. Tell someone what the hell is going on and then get help.
As I understand it, the shames of China’s history are deeply embarrassing and are shrouded in secrecy because of the culture’s value on modesty and peace and tolerance. However, the wounds are festering. I see it first hand. Sometimes the world sees it when a drug trafficker gets convicted and sentenced.
为了合作
为了更好的沟通
:)rickymay

The students in one of my classes indirectly criticized me deeply and disheartened me in a way I’ve never been before in China. It wasn’t only a joke, so that’s why I can’t shake it. As naive as I’m going to sound here, I confess that my naivete is genuine. Read more of this blog and you’ll see the same goals and aspirations throughout.
See, I talk a lot about the innate power of being Chinese and how it’s good to learn English as a tool of international communication. I really am enthusiastic and show this enthusiasm in class. I show my support for China and my interest, as a foreigner, to share my western knowledge with China because I believe that increased competition will ultimately be good for my homeland. I really buy into the camaraderie of international cooperation and feel that this is a vital and necessary requirement for peaceful human cohabitation in the 21st century, and so I encourage the students to prepare for and accept their more influential role in the world. It’s my small way of contributing to the peaceful shift of international power. My brand and style of enthusiasm, in part, has given me wide and fast success in English First because it was obvious my heart was in the right place. I really cared about working and helping the Chinese people and my repeated, tireless efforts proved it. I was one of the friendly foreigners. My trust was always reciprocated; it was true friendship.
That was teaching adults. However, these college freshmen are not the same. In this particular class, the kids don’t make as much effort as students from other classes and obviously aren’t even very nice people. It’s given me exposure to Chinese people in a way that’s never happened and I truly feel discouraged. What a bummer. My enthusiasm has always made me popular in the private sector, but in the public sector it appears I am ridiculed and laughed at by some if not all.
Keeping this in perspective, this criticism is from a minority of students. I think. It came from one student and it was in the form of a flattery that disagreed with popular opinion. So does that mean that only a minority agree with the criticism? If I were to survey the students, it’s likely they would not answer honestly but just give an assessment that would flatter me, as Chinese culture would dictate. Effectively, a survey would be a waste of time.
I’d like to say that I should change my teaching style and downplay the urgency I communicate in class, but I won’t say that because that urgency is real. Statistics about China’s development boggle the American mind, and China’s rapid development worries a great deal of Americans. Why? No information. No communication. Even after a beautiful 2008 Opening Ceremony, China is still: the great big mystery.
So should I perpetuate that mystery? Should I remain silent and say or do nothing to improve communications between these two countries?
This recent in-class criticism shakes me in a profound way. All day today I felt as if I was wrong for thinking my approach was effective or even appropriate, but now I see that I am just learning something new about myself and others. This is not EF and I’m not a superstar here. My style is not unanimously popular; in fact, I am seen by at least some of these very young minds as self-serving or old-fashioned.
At this point, I have a better understanding of what approach to take in class. I think it would be best to downplay my role in encouraging the freshmen, and assign class activities that are aimed at a simpler student whose interests are typical of an 18 year old: music, sports, fashion and small animals. It might be best if I increase the simple assignments that will only offer the kids a temporary diversion and not a lesson with any long term use or value. My new understanding is that the freshmen do not unanimously favor English lessons that involve or include topics of adult responsibilities, or that they’d prefer these topics not be delivered by someone so anxious and vocal.
I’ve considered keeping them in the dark about life after graduation. I could apply more of that Chinese interpretation of protection and nurture their absolute reliance on me and other adults. If I weren’t American, that would be easier to do, but I’m more familiar with American education and that itself might be part of my misunderstanding. The role and function of college in China may not be quite the same as that in the USA. I may be wrong to suppose that university in China should serve to prepare the students for life and career. My personality may be too flamboyant for such modern people; these students might believe my attitude to be uncool rhetoric not suited for today’s modern China. Maybe they know better than I. Maybe I’m the fish out of water.
I feel better writing about this in my blog. It’s good to be as old as I am and comfortable with self-assessment. Adaption is a good habit for any age. Good thing is: for the first time in a long time, I feel like writing again. After the exhausting effort with my last professional project, I am slowly coming back to life and recharging the ol’ batteries, right here in the HSK heartland. Honestly, I never thought I’d be learning so many interesting lessons here about myself and others. It’s been rewarding.
Not sure how this latest lesson will play out in class. I’m happy to learn something new about myself and teaching but not so happy to be discouraged for trying to do a good thing. What a shocker. Fact is, I should know that not all of the young students will accept my foreign teaching style. I definitely know that now.
Now that I’ve written, I can see the error of my ways and my options. What’s important to me is how to apply what I learn to improve my personal and professional self. My improved understanding will help me to better compete in the world and teach other Americans how to do so. (I’m not putting myself through this for nothing.)
I look forward to the remaining months of my public sector contract. What I’m learning here is amazing.

I’ve missed Beijing.
Back in the capital and happy to be here.

Sitting here at 4 am in my top floor digs, wondering how I can say what I want to say in a friendly, harmonious way. As an American, it’s difficult to be tactful and considerate. Generally speaking. Cultural norms dictate that Americans blaze their own trail and make their own way. Offend or even insult–no matter–winning is everything.
The novelty of living overseas has worn off. Maybe more specifically, the novelty of living in this country has completely worn off. Being in these special interest, independent English training projects means I must work within a modest budget. (Part of the reason I’m probably so welcome as a coworker and team member is because I’m affordable.) No corporate-cocoon lifestyle here. Modest budgets mean public transport, not personal cars. I travel the subway and walk as much as possible. Being exposed to the people in this way has its pros and cons. The pros are obvious, especially for language learners like myself, and I’ve written about them. The cons are toxic: Staring. Watching. Whispering. Pointing and laughing–like I would do at animals in a zoo. Looking at my mobile phone as I text, reading the book I’m reading, or checking out my grocery bag. I can understand it. The curiosity is human nature, albeit somewhat invasive to Americans. I’m cool with it because I’m a guest in this country. The stares, pointing, laughing, whispering and watching have the most isolating, unwelcoming affect. And it’s not rare and unusual. Again, traveling public transport daily and multiple times a day means that daily and multiple times a day I’m exposed to people who apparently have never seen anything that looks like me.
It doesn’t help that I can usually understand what people are saying about me, which adds to the frustration. Apparently, foreign objects like me don’t have the capacity to speak or understand (Mandarin) so it’s perfectly acceptable to talk about it as your standing next to it. Speak loud enough for it to hear you. No problem; It’s ignorant.
I’ve been given the best anecdotes by a variety of foreign and domestic friends. Say hello. Smile. Start talking. Don’t worry about it. Read a book. Listen to music. I’ve heard and tried it all, and I would support any one of these anecdotes if I only had the energy and time to practice them without rest. For example, it’s easy to suppose a conversation or friendly smile is enough to attempt some kind of human to human recognition, but that’s assuming a kind of scarcity of this opportunity. What I’m talking about happens multiple times a day, so this means having endless, non-stop patient energy. No downtime ever. Can’t be distracted or thinking of something else. Can’t have a private life or mind your own business. Must be focused on how to introduce your foreign self to hundreds of strangers at all times of the day, every day.
Not to mention, my friendly conversation or tireless smile has sometimes scared the hell outta these shy people. When I tried walking around with a goofy smile on my face all day long, I would agree that I deserved the nervous criticisms because walking around with a goofy smile on your face all day is not natural, even for foreign objects that are freakish by nature.
My Chinese friends are defensive of anything Chinese so they’ll tell me it’s because I’m so handsome that people stare at me. Harmonious to the death.
I’ve seen the foreigners that know what I’m talking about here. I’ve seen those poor saps wearing a hat, black sunglasses and an MP3 player. Complete shut-down. Complete avoidance of any external stimulus. Cut off. Drop out. Leave me alone for sanity’s sake. Isolation. Every time I see someone blacked out like this I am sure that I don’t want to do something so dramatic and drastic. But my options? ??
Leave. I can’t say there’s any remedy because what I feel is a lack of integration into the group. That’s a fundamental social need for our kind of animal. Our species is a social animal. Humans need interaction with other humans as part of a social group. Sweet integration. I have human limits on how long I can pretend that being on the outside 24/7 makes me satisfied or even comfortable. That’s neither good nor bad, just the way it is. I’m human, and I simply miss being thought of in that way.