My fellow Americans:
Do not fear any crisis in our oil supplies. We have enough oil to last us forever. Do not do anything to inconvenience yourself in any way. Do not consider changing your lifestyle or habits. Just relax and trust your Republican Congress and the Bush government.
They will protect you. They will drill offshore, since offshore drilling is the best and only solution. The best and only solution. The best and only solution. They will give us all the oil we need in America. You don’t have to worry or think or do anything.
Oil is forever. No problem. Vice President Cheney is at this time having more secret meetings with the trusted powers of the Oil Industry, to correctly design the national energy policy of this once-great nation.
Remember that through prayer all things are possible. Prayer is the answer to any questions or concerns you have. Just pray. Believe and pray. The oncoming unprecedented global energy crisis is a myth designed by Godless foreigners who steal your jobs.
Trust in Me. I am your Suadi-Bush family and your world-dominant Oil industry. Have faith. Believe. Pray. Don’t worry. God is on our side.
God bless the Bush Family and little Dick too.
God Bless the American way of life, and God bless America.