torn between 2 lovers
Where this is smoke, there is fire, and what may seem friendly and innocent may actually be the most toxic pleasure. I have 2 loves for this blog. The first is to teach. Teach Americans about life in China, and give the Chinese something English to read. The second is to express myself as an artist, for I am indeed an artist at heart and shall probably remain that way until I am plant food. If not happily so, then contented, and the happiness has never been as important to me as the ability and opportunity to express myself honestly. If I am happy, sad, angry, bitter, then I am happy, sad, angry, bitter and not necessarily in that order.
It sometimes gives me great pleasure and is often my saving grace to have both the ability and opportunity to display and experiment with my humanity. Without my imagination and creative energy I would curl up and die. But I am also a teacher, and teaching beats doing. So it may be to the reader’s displeasure that I have made a commitment to playing the field, but I am indeed this man who I am and I shall forever be content with that.
For you to understand completely may not be necessary, but for you to appreciate may be interesting or maybe even a little fun.
winter
It’s Autumn in Beijing.
The winds are strong and people are looking both ways to cross the street.
Lately I’m feeling the color of the trees hanging from the trees.
The natural beauty of slow death and dieing. Hanging from everywhere else and talking about gravity.
I’m having one of those days where nothing helps me but a good run.
If I had the time, I’d put on the running shoes I don’t have, wear my non-famous MP3 player and some light clothes, and run around the neighborhood and far far away.
I’d run far away and to forever and back.
Faster and farther than the winds of Beijing.
The winds that taste gritty and sting my eyes.
The winds that blow in tight, bright faces at the many campuses near me.
The winds that blow right through me; that take me nowhere quickly but make me invisible.
It’s autumn in Beijing and I’ve not the exuberance nor ambition of a leaf. A dieing leaf.